Here’s my list of 30 ways to tell if you’re nailing parenthood:
1. You think your kid is the cutest, smartest, most athletic, etc.
2. You call your partner at work to tell them about something cute your kid did that day.
3. 95% of the photos on your phone are of your kid and almost half of those are your kid’s selfies.
4. You bought a certain toy for your child but really it’s for you.
5. You use baby wipes for everything.
6. You use your kid’s pronunciation for certain words.
7. You eat more PB&J and Mac n Cheese than you did in College.
8. You make a song for everything.
9. Your most recently watched on Netflix are all kids shows.
10. You can talk about poop anytime, anywhere.
11. You say you have to poop just to get some alone time. Then realize even that is not a guarantee anymore.
12. You do things one handed you previously thought impossible.
13. You find random things in random places like French fries in your purse or a dinosaur in the glove box.
14. You have mastered your poker face for when your kid does something hilarious but totally naughty.
15. You have used your child as an excuse to get out of something you don’t want to do.
16. You are happy when their attention span is long enough to watch T.V. and equate how long it’s going to take you to do something by how many episodes they will watch.
17. You feel guilty that despite your best effort your child consumed 0 green vegetables that day.
18. Your pets become beasts of burden even though they were previously your babies.
19. Something valuable was destroyed in the last 48 hours.
20. You just did something you said you would never do as a parent.
21. You feel sorry for instead of judge the Mom with the screaming toddler.
22. You have injured yourself on your child’s toys.
23. You have accidentally injured your child.
24. You watch your child sleep.
25. You learn not to sweat the small stuff.
26. Your definition of sleeping in keeps getting pushed back earlier and earlier.
27. Your kid sleeps in and you wake up thinking something must be wrong.
28. You blamed your kid for something so you wouldn’t get in trouble.
29. Your toddler ate something off the floor and you pretended not to notice.
30. You wonder what you used to do for entertainment before you had kids.